Conversation With A Hot Dog
The other day I was walking around looking for loose change. This has proven quite a lucrative hobby. So far this month I'm up 8¢. OK so that isn't even a 1/2 penny a day, but as my mother said, "Try to make sense." Come to think of it maybe that isn't what she meant.
I was walking downtown and I saw a guy in a great big hot dog suit. Since no one will talk to me on the internet nor in a gay bar, I decided to talk to him. He can't leave or he'll get fired. Do I know how to trap a guy or what?
I said "Hi Mr. Hot Dog." He kind of shrugged, as much as a giant hot dog can do and gave me a coupon. I don't know what was worse the fact I have been reduced to talking to a jumbo sized hot dog for the sake of companionship or the fact that I couldn't afford the hot dog, even with the coupon.
He told me that I was the first person to call him "Mr Hot Dog." He said the older people call him Frank, as in frankfurter. He said the younger people just smack him on the back and say, "What's up dawg?"
He also told me that while he's never been bit by a dog in his hot dog suit, sometimes kids hit him and one time a couple of drunk people tossed condiments on him.
He told me his name was Eric, and he had been doing that job since May. He didn't need any connections to get the job, he just applied and like that he was a giant hot dog.
I asked him if he liked his job. He said "no," but he this is all he was qualified for. Of course as I looked around I saw plenty of people asking for spare change. This seemed like a lucrative career, and it didn't look that difficult to do, so maybe he was under estimating his potential.
As I was talking to him, a mother walked by. She had a kid and asked the child if he'd like to kiss the giant hot dog, so Eric gave him the coupon and he got a kiss in return.
I asked Eric if he'd let me kiss him. He said he could do better.
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