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Fat Chance

Notes On Being Fat

Do you ever hear about fat people discussing their fat? Being the type to eavesdrop at the gym I hear this quite often, either two women or even two men talking about flaws in our figures.

"Just look at this," says one lady pointing out her hips to her friend.

"You think that is bad look at this," says one portly fellow pinching his girth around his middle.

"Are you kidding just be glad you don't have these" said another fellow happily pointing out his man breasts.

I tell you jingly arms, and liposuction have become national headlines

Fat is nature's way of making beautiful people have something to feel ugly about.

Remember the old joke:

"Did you hear about the fat lady that lost 200 pounds and killed herself? Turns out she didn't really have a pretty face after all."

But while the ½ inch of fat can make even the prettiest person feel ugly, for most of us we fret the fat for good reason. Like the universe, our waistlines keep expanding. And while all the universe has to do is drift for eternity, our waists still have to somehow manage to fit into size 32 pants.

Most men have only one problem with fat, their waists. The once large powerful pecs seem to each year shift a little further south, settling somewhere around Brazil.

And it doesn't matter if you are not overweight that fat seems to go right for the gut. I've seen men of 38 6'2" 185 pounds and still have a convex waistline. In fact I've seen the same man lose 15 pounds and still resemble a pregnant women in her 11th month.

So between the waist and the double chin you can just hear the fat cells laughing and eating ice cream as you work out on the stationary bicycle.

Oh sure you can be ashamed. Maybe you can't go to a gym because you're too embarrassed. Maybe you'd rather run alone in the woods. But just how less embarrassing will it be when you drop dead of a heart attack and the police find you three days later and the squirrels are busy playing with your wallet.

So don't kid yourself, don't waste money on gyms or diets. Just accept your sags and bulges, after all you can exercise till the day you die and you'll still have them. Death is nature's way of saying, "Try a different workout program."

And while maybe you don't have the perfect waist you can compensate for it by having a truly beautiful soul and wonderful personality.

Which reminds me I have been meaning to talk to you about your personality...


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