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On Death

Notes On Death


I can't really see an upside to dying. Well outside of the fact you get to use the phrase, "Yeah, well just try to collect now."

I have often thought what would be written on my tombstone. Here lies Mark, he worked out every day, never ate junk food, was kind, loyal and ALWAYS told the truth. Well here he is anyway.

I think the biggest reason I'd hate to die is I have no really good "famous last words" to say. Like Marie Antoinette said, after stepping on the executioner's foot "I beg your pardon sir."

Religions are big on death. I guess it gives them reason to hold people to good behaviour while they are alive. After all if you die and nothing bad happens, why be good while you're living?

October 22, 1844 was a landmark day for a certain religion, the Millerites. Today they survive in various forms of Adventist religions. That day in October was the day the world would die. For years Joseph Miller went around preaching this. Fun guy huh? Of course this day became known as the "Great Disappointment." I have co-opted the term for guys I meet off the Internet.

When I was a kid death was always on our minds, you had to be ready at a moment's notice to run underneath your desk in school, in case the godless Reds dropped the bomb.

This kind of begs the question, "What would you do if you knew the world was ending tomorrow." "Are you prepared to meet your maker?" and of course, "Couldn't I just email God instead?"

All good questions but the one I have the most trouble with is, "Should I bother to shave," I hate shaving.

I would also be reflective thinking about what my life has brought about, "Was it the life I wanted?" "Was it a good life?" "Did I stand up for what I believed in?" "Was I honest, hard-working, and loyal?"

You often see in TV shows and movies where people are going to meet their ends how they confess their sins. But does this make it right? Does it matter if we're all about to die that I made no-interest loans from the Monopoly bank? That Kwigybo is not a real word, at least in Scrabble. Is it all important that I kept the unpaid box of soda the cashier didn't see underneath the shopping cart?

I often wonder if God has a cosmic plan for us. I also wonder if I could get away with cheating on my taxes and if I "really" had to pay all those parking tickets.

So I guess you'd have to ask yourself, "What good does a hell of a lot of sex do you?" "Did it make the world better?" "If so then can I read your memoirs?"

In the 60s Time magazine took a poll of people about 20% said they have actually talked with the dead. By mid 1970 Time asked the same question and 45% said they had talked with the dead. By the end of the 20th century over 70% of people believed they have talked with the dead. This means people are more willing to admit they have such experiences or the dead are getting more chatty. Perhaps cell phone technology is adaptable to the deceased?

I never have talked to the dead. Since most living people won't speak with me this doesn't surprise me much. People are obviously as stuck up in life as they are in death.

So I asked some people about it. You know those people who have spoken with the dead. I put a note on Craigslist.

A guy who answered my query on Craigslist said that he was walking near his wife's grave and got a very cold feeling in his back. He knew it was her because she had cold feet.

A lady named Wanda told me that her boyfriend and her had a fight and he stormed out screaming at her saying he'd never speak to her again. He was killed days later in a car crash. She goes on to explain every time the phone doesn't ring, it's him.

No talk about death would be complete unless we examine the flip side, a talk about pre-life. I went to a fair and for $5.00 I had a psychic tell me all about who I was before I was Mark. As I understand it, one starts out as a bacteria and works their way up to a higher life form. See I am billions of years of physic evolution.

The cool thing is you can be anything and of any sex. In a pre-life you can be a man, woman or a bacteria.

If I was a woman before, I wonder if I'd be bitchy with PMS or glad to see menopause? One thing I DO know is if I was a woman I'd have been at the docks waiting for the fleet to come in.

The physic told me when I was alive in Roman times, I was a scribe. You know I copied things. I was kind of a human Xerox machine of sorts. I wonder if I would've had to copy someone's bare ass freehand? Hmmmm?

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